Blog
I'm just a girl who longs to do amazing things
YouTube: Holly Wickens
It's not about finding yourself
It is about Creating yourself
I much like others want to do something differnent and amazing when I grow up. My life is much like any other. In this world I have learned a lot what I focus on most is
1) Don’t let people stifle you because you’re doing the sh*t That they have always been too scared to do
And 2) Art is Risk
Apon reiziling this It's been a long ride. I'm on the path to being a person I am equally terrified of and longing to become...Me.
I'm just a girl who longs to do Amazing Things
Becoming me...
Becoming me is going to be a hard prosses. I want to not feer what I will become when I follow my dreams and take risks. The path I take will determine my future. Do I want to take the path everyone says I should or the path I want. The path that will lead me to opportunities. The path that will help me become me. Everyone says life is short but I think other wise. Life can be long, short or whatever you wish for, it is up to you which you pick. Don't let people tell you down. Follow your dreams and do what will make you happy, because in the long run life will be one of the many adventures you let yoruself wonder in.
Learning to Live
Learning to be me. It is funnny to think about. I feel I am what I am but there is so much more. Life will bring what it brings and I will have to adjust. Life teaches and we will learn. It's not something we take for granted. Life is Life. and life is hard. I am learning everyday and exploring more than I ever thought. Don't let life get in the way let it be what you work from and learn from.
Fears
Like others I have many fears. Fears of spiders, breaking up with someone, having my parents be disappointed in me, a fear I will not be successful. But my biggest is this… I fear that I will not be able to do what I want and be who I want in life. The biggest thing that stops me is future. I ask myself, Do I plan? Do I let things play out? Or both? Future gets in the way of so many things. It stops me, it makes me think and it makes me stressed. I know what I want in life and I know what I want to do, but will the future allow me? There is no way to know. And what happens if what I want in life doesn’t happen. I know what I want and I want it bad. It’s hard to make it happen. And yeah I know it takes time and I am young, but If I don’t start now then when? Fears do stop me in life, and fears do get in the way, but we all have to hold on for the ride because It’s a long one and without those fears, you wouldn’t be doing what you want for a reason. To conquer your fears is tuff but not impossible. So although mine is not being able to pursue what I want in life it may also be the future. There is no way of telling what will happen next. It’s all part of the journey life brings.
Music
Over all music is a big part of my life. It is involved in so many things and within it there are so many options. You can make music, listen to it, write music, produce music, but really the options are endless. Music is always avaliable and there is no fee to the joy and imagination it brings. Although it may seem simple it is so very complicated. It takes work and time to make such a masterpiece but the finishing product is always amazing. And although my sister always warns me "the song will get old!" It never does and it only seems to get better every time I hear it. Infact as I am writing this, Troye Sivans song Swimming Pools is playing for the fourth time in my headphones. It makes me want to be home, and makes me want to lay down. I want to look at the celing and let my mind wonder more than it ever has. The song is almost over and I have started my 5th time listening. Weather you blare the speaker because you know you love the song, weather you are lightly listening peacfully in your room, or weather you have a song on replay for the 6th time, enjoy it because it may just be what you need in this very moment. Let your mind imagine more than it ever has with the thing that is all around us and keep listening to the beautiful thing that exspresses life in so may ways... Music.
Life itself is complicated. There are so many things that cause me to worry. I am constantly wishing I had it easy, But when I think about it, my life is more than anyone could ask for. I have good grades, a big home, great friends, and so much more. And thats what leaves it all down to who I am not what I have, the presure is constantly getting to me and it makes me feel like perfect is not enough. In this case, am I not enough? I am constantly told I'm perfect and quite honestly it makes me feel horrible. I hate it when people compliment me. It makes me feel like there saying it juts because. Just because I did bad and they don't want to hurt my feelings, or just because after saying it so many times in life it's become a routine. but life shouldn't be a routine, it should be something we take by chance. After all thats what life is about. Taking chances. It's risky but when they pay off everything seems perfect. But there it is agian. That word that makes me think and get lost in thought... That word that brings me fear and question.... Perfect.
Perfect
Which is more powerful? To me it always feels like the bad things rule over the good. I sometimes have little panic attacks. About many things... my fears, the future, and just plain life. During these "Panic Attacks" I tend to feel the whole world is going against me. I feel the bad things over rule the good. It's overwhelming and scary. My mom will try to calm me down and she tells be to think of "happy thoughts" or "good things" . But all that enters my mined is bad. I love how she cares for me and understands, but most people don't. I'm supposed to be this "Perfect" person who gets straight A's and is gifted. But all the presure to be so "Perfect" gets to me, and it makes me question all my decisions. I don't know whether it's anxiety or just me being paranoid. Bad Vs. Good, it's a back and fourth game. Both emotions are super strong but which has more power? Over me, over you, over everything and everyone. It all depends on the person. Not which is more impowering. It depends on you. If you chose to let it get to you, if you let it take over...